well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
