worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
