Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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