I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
