He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
