Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize