Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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