You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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