Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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