I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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