OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
