Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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