i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
