ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize