so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
