Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
