I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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