I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
