Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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