Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
