i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Randomize