WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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