do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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