FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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