We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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