I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
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STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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