I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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