You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
