You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
