Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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