drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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