I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
