When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
