OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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