Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
