i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
