His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
