I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
