Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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