Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
3 2 1 whiskey
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
