when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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