I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
