Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
