Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
