I'm jealous of your bromance
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
