Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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