thus making me awesome and them whores
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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