She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
