i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
