Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
