I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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