Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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