I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
