I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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