I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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