You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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