So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
