I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize