you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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