BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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